


of skin and touch

by Marshmellowtea



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, idk this is a vent piece lmao, like? it's really vague but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marshmellowtea/pseuds/Marshmellowtea
Summary: jon can still feel the hands sometimes
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	of skin and touch

**Author's Note:**

> i debated posting this anonymously but eh,, fuck it,, mods asleep post vent fic i guess

"Martin...?" 

Martin lifts his head, and Jon ducks his as their eyes meet. 

"Yes love?" Martin asks, concern already tinging his voice. 

It's comforting to hear it, even as a shudder rips through him. Jon inhales sharply, shifting at the sensation of phantom hands running over him. 

"My-my skin is..." He gasps again, wrapping his arms tighter around himself, digging his fingernails into his biceps. "I-I can feel...h-hands..." 

It's hard to say it. Thankfully, Martin seems to understand what he means. He scoots over on the couch, patting the seat next to him, and Jon gratefully makes his way over to him. He sits down on the couch and pushes himself into the cushions close to Martin, fighting back the burning in his eyes. 

"What happened?" Martin asks, draping his arm over the top of the couch. 

Jon lets out a hysterical laugh, scrubbing the newly forming tears out of his eyes. "Dunno. Nothing, really," he says quietly. "I was just reading, and something came up about...well." 

Martin hums in understanding. He looks a bit lost as to what to say, but Jon doesn't mind. As long as he's close. He feels himself tear up again, and he closes his eyes against it. 

"It hurts," he says quietly. "Not...not like...you know, but..." He grunts, waving his hand uselessly. "It feels like I'll never be free of it. Like I'll never...like I'll never not feel it. Like I'm never going to be comfortable in my own skin." 

Tears have started to fall down his cheeks at this point. He wipes his face haphazardly with his sleeve and then clutches onto Martin's shirt tightly. 

"Does...does that make sense?" he asks shakily. 

"Yeah, honey. You're fine," Martin says softly, turning a bit in his seat to face him. "Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can do to help?" 

Jon doesn't know. His skin tingles, and his head is light. He wants to be distracted. He wants to be touched by someone who loves him. Someone who cares about him. 

"Kiss me?" he asks. 

"Are you sure?" Martin asks in return, his eyes wide with worry. 

Jon nods without hesitation, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around his neck. "Please. Please, I can't stand this..." He inhales, knocking their foreheads together. "I feel...I feel them..." 

Martin wraps his arms around his waist, rubbing his hand over his spine. "Okay," he says softly. He leans in as well, pressing his lips against Jon's, moving one hand up to cup the back of his head, threading his fingers through his hair. 

His lips are warm and soft, if a bit chapped, and despite everything Jon shudders on instinct at the feel of them. He doesn't pull away, though, he  _ needs _ this. Instead, he presses up closer against Martin's body, the heat and pressure against his skin stabilizing the thrumming underneath. Martin seems to understand that's what it's doing, or at the very least that Jon wants to be close to him, and holds him tighter, his arms practically crushing him. 

It's good. It's really good. The pressure keeps Jon's skin from tingling, and the kiss never deepens, Martin's lips remaining soft and firm against him. There's no expectation to it, no demand for tongue and saliva and teeth, and that in and of itself is soothing. 

Eventually though, Jon breaks their lips apart, tears once again welling up in his eyes. He buries his face into Martin's shoulder, inhaling his scent. 

"Sorry," he mumbles. Then, "I love you." 

"I love you too," Martin murmurs, rubbing his back with a firm hand. "I'm here for you." 

"I'm here for you too," Jon mumbles, hiccuping softly, and Martin hums sadly. 

"I know baby, I know. Um...you want me to just hold you for a while?" 

Jon nods, tucking his face into Martin's neck. "Please?" 

Martin doesn't say anything in response. He just squeezes him closer, pressing a kiss to Jon's hair. 

Despite the lingering tears and the crawling in his skin, Jon can't help but give a small smile. He has someone who loves him, who has warm arms to hold him. For now, that helps. 

For now, that works. 

For now, that's enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> :')


End file.
